Thursday, June 03, 2010

Angry Dealings with Carbon Poker

I miss pokerstars. Their customer service is better than any customer service in any industry I've ever encountered in my life. I've e-mailed their support a few dozen times over the years and without fail I've gotten a response within the hour (sometimes in less than 10 minutes) written by a human, who knows how to read, and addressing my precise problem.

Little in the world makes me more aggravated than waiting 48 hours for a response and getting a form letter that barely has anything to do with my problem. I want to write back "What's wrong with you fucking morons? Didn't you read my e-mail?"

I could write pokerstars an e-mail right now that says "Hey Ass lickers! I think you should go hump a turtle! What do you think of that?" In 20 minutes they'd write me back with something like this:

Dear AceSedai:

Thanks for your e-mail! We are thrilled that you've noticed our ass licking! We here at pokerstars want to be the best at everything, from tournaments to cash games to ass licking!

As far as humping turtles goes, at this time we don't have access to any live turtles, but we are currently humping a stuffed turtle. To compensate you for any inconvenience this turtle substitution may have caused we are going to credit your account with $100.

Furthermore we have added both live and stuffed turtles with a variety of feed and clothing options to the Pokerstars FPP store.

Don't hesitate to contact us in the future with any other ass licking or turtle humping concerns! Good luck at the tables!

Chris Moneymaker

I bring this up because Carbon poker is making me angry. After finishing the last level of "The Race" promotion I went to make a cashout. When I did, $200 I earned as part of that promotion disappeared from my account. "Whoops!" I thought as I do when I make a mistake. Looking back on the terms and conditions of that promotion (no surprise that it was in fine print) I saw that I have to wait 7 days after the end of the promotion before I can cashout.

Luckily there is a happy little button that allows me to cancel a pending cashout. So that's what I did, maybe 10 minutes later. Of course my $200 was still gone, but I figured a short e-mail to support would fix the problem. WRONG!

37 hours later (literally) I got a response telling me that my $200 was gone because I had cashed out. What's wrong with you fucking morons? Didn't you read my e-mail? I never actually cashed out!

I'm tempted to write them an e-mail that says "Hey Ass lickers! I think you should go hump a turtle! What do you think of that?"

I'm sure 3 days later I'd get a response that said:

Dear Player

We are directing your e-mail to the appropriate department. Expect a response in 15 business days. We have charged your account a $100 processing fee for this e-mail. Marginal luck at the tables!


I bet they do have a turtle humping department at Carbon poker. Ass lickers!


Luis said...

Hi Dave, I agree woth you, Pokerstars is the best, they have the best customer service on the poker online industry.

Do you going to attempt to make SNE nest year and return to the grind on Pokerstars?

Best regards,

Matt said...

That was some funny shit. I like that Moneymaker answered your hypothetical email, as if he's sitting in the support department waiting to respond to ass-licking, turtle humping emails. We who never left Pokerstars (i.e. me)think you were nuts to ever leave, but we'll welcome you back ... as long as you stay away from my tables biatch!